Good Memories of Holidays Past Can Help Us in the Present

Source: Couleur-Pixabay

During this COVID-19 holiday season, our needs and wants in the present are especially important. Whereas in the past, family and friends would come together, special meals prepared, and gifts thoughtfully exchanged in person, not this time! This year we’re navigating COVID-19 fears while social distancing. Some lucky folks will celebrate with their safe “bubble” of family members. For others, it will be a Zoom or FaceTime holiday. And for many, we hope they’ll place or receive precious phone calls. 

But for all of us, by reflecting on our thoughts about what we want socially versus what we need materially, we learn a lot about what—and perhaps who—is important in our lives. 

Then we have an opportunity to create more positive experiences for ourselves and others. We can help bridge this once-in-a-lifetime pandemic holiday season to better, healthier holidays ahead when we add recalling good past holiday experiences and share them when we connect with loved ones.

Wants 

At this time of year, and this pandemic year may be no different than others, many of our wants are things—things that make our lives easier or make us feel better temporarily, but aren’t necessary. We can see how this works by examining what and why we buy things and for those of us with children, in the way we’ve raised them. If we make impulse buys or purchase things we don’t really need, then we are likely present hedonists—living in the moment. 

Social isolation may cause us to act in ways we normally wouldn’t, especially when it comes to gift buying. If it’s within our means—and even if it isn’t!—we may go overboard this year especially with presents for our housebound children, or ourselves. Temporarily, we might feel better. And then we get the credit card statement. We may have unintentionally spoiled our children by giving them whatever they ask for—or whined about—and more. We put a Band-Aid on the situation and settle for a temporary fix which creates behaviors that are hard to break, along with bills that are hard to pay. We inadvertently teach our children to believe they won’t be happy unless they get their goodies. 

If this is the case, ask yourself: Is this how I feel and am I projecting it onto my kids? Am I placing too much importance on material things? Why am I overcompensating? Or what am I missing in my life that I think “things” will make it better – for me, and for them?

Needs

Some of the things we need are vitally important for survival—like food, a roof over our heads, protection from the elements, running water, and electricity. Sadly, during these COVID-19 holidays, these essential needs are threatened for millions around the globe due to job loss, little or no cash on hand, and the possible threat of eviction. Feelings of despair settle in and can cause people to feel fatalistic about their lives and the future. 

As well as physical needs, each of us also has emotional needs such as love, appreciation and respect. If we don’t feel or can’t recall being loved by someone, we intrinsically know that we’ve missed out on something huge in our lives. If we don’t feel appreciated or respected, we can fall into that deep chasm of despair that we call present fatalism. The closer we get to this black hole, the stronger its pull and the more likely we’ll get sucked in. Don’t ever go there!

If you feel like the description in the paragraph above, ask yourself: Did something happen in my life to cause me to overcompensate with material things for myself or my family now? If you discover this may be the case, don’t dwell on it for too long. It’s part of your past and helped make you the special person you are. Fortunately, once you recognize it, you can start shifting your behavior more positively from this point forward to create a more balanced self-social portfolio. 

What we can do 

We can start setting ourselves up for as joyous a holiday as possible right now. Recall good memories of holidays past—what we call past positives; the warm, fuzzy feelings for people we love, the good food and drink we’ve imbibed, the bits of color, the candles, the bright lights. These positive memories and feelings are in us all and this is the time to bring them forth. If there were bad holidays, realize they can’t be changed—they are history and we don’t need them to bring us down. When negative memories or thoughts creep in, ditch them in an old junk bag and replace them by immediately focusing on the good old times.

If you have children, talk to them about what’s really important in life—love, appreciation, and respect. If you don’t normally read to your children, surprise them by reading to them aloud or watching a good televised or streamed movie together. Tell those you are close to how much you love them and what they mean to you. Inform co-workers you value them. Mention to essential workers in our communities like postal, refuse and fire station personnel or the person behind the counter, you are grateful for their service. Liberally give the gift of compliments—to as many people as you can. You may be surprised at the responses you receive. Be generous with your praise, even if it may feel awkward initially. Transform your praise-giving into a comfortable habit by regular practice.

Go a step further

If you are in the position to do so, consider bringing joy to others this holiday season by donating to charities that help individuals or families in need. Get your kids involved! (Focusing on the welfare of others is a wonderful way to combat depression.) Monetary donations—no matter how small—given to reputable services or organizations are always welcome. And many organizations such as financial institutions or banks take canned or unopened packaged food items while fire and police departments have toy drives. Some religious institutions take up holiday collections for children and families in need focused on clothing, toys, or food. Others connect those more fortunate families with less fortunate families to “adopt” during the holidays.

Whatever your contribution, it will make these difficult times a little easier for others—and lift your spirits as well. 

Source: ErvinGjata/Pixabay

One thing we know for sure: Times change, and nothing stays the same. By spending a little time self-reflecting, recalling good memories, and helping others this year, we hope that when next holiday season comes, this unique COVID-19 holiday will be transformed from a negative present experience into a more positive, joyous memory for you and yours—forever.